Plop! Welcome to Gotham City!

Plop! The Five Earths Project


Welcome to Gotham City!

by HarveyKent

A pamphlet from the local Chamber of Commerce is usually a fairly ordinary, boring, and even mind-numbing piece of literature. But one from Gotham City’s Chamber of Commerce? Now that’s a different story.



Hello, and welcome to the busiest little city on Earth! If you’ve received this special pamphlet from the Gotham City Chamber of Commerce, you have recently applied for a new business license to operate in Gotham City.

Let me be the first to say Thank You for choosing Gotham, and welcome to our city! I’m sure you’ll enjoy many years of prosperity and some of the friendliest clientele in the world!

On the other side of the coin, you’ve probably already heard stories about the criminal situation in Gotham. Well, I’m sure we all know how such stories can snowball and get out of hand as they’re passed from one teller to another. Conversely, all tall tales have some basis in fact.

Does Gotham City have crime? Yes, it does. So does Chicago, New York, Miami, and probably Podunk, Iowa. Gotham’s crimes just tend to get a little more press coverage because our criminals tend to be more imaginative and creative than most (just another example of why Gotham is such a fun place to live!).

New merchants should, of course, take sensible precautions to prevent becoming victims of crime in this or any other city. In many cities, such actions take special, localized forms. In Gotham City, we strongly recommend using discretion when naming your business. For example:

  • Do not give your business a name that in any way evokes playing cards, clowns, comedy, or the opera Il Pagliacci.
  • Do not have the name of a bird in your business, be it living, extinct, or mythological.
  • Do not have the number 2 in your business name (you will notice that there are no 2s in any address numbers in the downtown business district; this is covered in the handbook you will receive shortly). Likewise, do not use any words with any reference to two: half, double, twin, et cetera.
  • Do not have the word cat or the name of any kind of feline in your business name. This extends to the larger members of the feline order, such as lions, tigers, leopards, et cetera.
  • Do not have any references to cold, snow, or the Arctic.
  • If you’re planning to open a hat store, might we suggest scenic Metropolis?

If you have any questions, or if you’d like a copy of our free educational video, Saints, Commissioner! A Guide To Gotham City’s OutrĂ© Outlaws, please feel free to call 555-1939, extension 27, during regular business hours.

And once again, Welcome to Gotham City!

The End

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