by Comickook
“Ohhh, blast that Looney Society!” the War-Ender shouted as he climbed out of the wreckage of his ship. “Having most of my equipment destroyed makes me very angry…” He walked back and forth on the spot, huffing to himself. “…very angry, indeed. Now my campaign to destroy all sentient life in all universes has hit another bothersome snag.”
Thanks to Alley-Kat-Abra’s universal translator spell, the Zoo Crew understood every word of what the diminutive but deranged Martian said and knew that this was, indeed, one of the bad guys.
“Sounds like this could be worse than the Bunny from Beyond — at least he only wanted to conquer this world,” Captain Carrot said as he led the charge and motioned the rest of the Zoo Crew to go into action.
While he still had the element of surprise, the heroic hare sent the War-Ender flying with a superb double-kick from behind. When the War-Ender fired an energy bolt from his sword, the Captain then leaped clear and signaled for Abra to let loose a blinding flash that blinded the Martian villain long enough for Captain Carrot, Pig-Iron, and Fastback to land a beautiful triple haymaker that sent him flying again and caused him to drop his sword, which Abra then levitated out of the extra-terrestrial evil-doer’s reach before letting loose with a mystic power blast accompanied by one of Yankee Poodle’s stars-and-stripes blasts.
When the War-Ender tried to get up, he found himself tripped up by a green-hued avian leg wrap and then judo-flipped by a six-inch figure.
“That being able to retain your full-sized strength while in six-inch form trick comes in handy pretty often,” Little Cheese said with a chuckle.
More annoyed than hurt, however, the War-Ender dropped seven seeds on the ground and let out a surge of optic energy that caused them all to grow into eight-foot Martian monsters.
“Chew on that if you can, pitiful Earth-animals,” the War-Ender said as he prepared to take his leave, only to have his exit blocked by bolts of gold, red, and green energy, followed immediately by a super-odorous compact scarlet cyclone.
“Ehhh, you ain’t goin’ nowhere, War-Enda,” What’s-Up-Doc said, both paws glowing with golden energy.
Meanwhile, one of the Martian monsters was soaking up Yankee Poodle’s stars-and-stripes blast like a sponge soaked up water and was firing them back at her twenty times magnified. Another of the Martian monsters, this one seemingly made entirely of living water, nailed Rubberduck and Pig-Iron with repeated high-powered hydro-blasts. Abra and Fastback had their paws full trying to keep under control a mob of animals crazed by the powers of yet another of the monsters while protecting those same animals and themselves from the radioactive powers of still another of the War-Ender’s minions, combined with the plague-like powers of yet one more minion. Captain Carrot and Little Cheese were being frozen solid by one of the last two minions while fending off the other one of the last two, this one having the combined might of every known species of animal.
Thinking fast, Abra conjured up a giant specially curved pipe and fan set out of pure mystic energy that redirected the attacks of two of their foes right back at the originators of the attacks. Though they weren’t hurt, they were disoriented enough for Fastback to whip around them fast enough to trap them in a massive whirlwind that he used to fling those two monsters into the one driving the animals crazy. While those three monsters were disoriented, Abra quickly conjured up a freezing spell that trapped them in ice long enough for her to levitate them and mystically slingshot them into the monsters fighting Captain Carrot and Little Cheese.
All five of those monsters were out cold, but Abra was so exhausted that she almost passed out. Fastback was pretty winded, too, but he had just enough left to free Cap and Little Cheese from their icy prison using super-speed friction. Once freed, the Captain leaped behind the monster battling Yankee Poodle, flipped it over from behind, and gave it another target, while Yankee Poodle trapped the water monster battling Rubberduck and Pig-Iron with some of her bio-magnetic stripes.
Combining their strength, Captain Carrot and Pig-Iron ripped out a portion of the sidewalk and used it to ensnare the monster that could absorb and redirect concussive blasts, while Rubberduck was busy tickling it in eight places at once.
Meanwhile, Little Cheese goaded the water monster into following him through a series of sturdy pipes. As soon as Little Cheese was in the clear, but just before their foe could get in the clear, Yankee Poodle used her bio-magnetic powers to bend the pipes on both ends to the point where the monster couldn’t get out on either end. Just before the watery Martian could burst free, Abra — who had regained a little of her strength in her very short breather — managed to finish the job of trapping the water monster with a powerful force-field.
Nearby, the War-Ender and the Looney Society were continuing their fight. The villain hadn’t fully recuperated from when the LSTers got their licks in earlier and had taken a little more punishment from the Zoo Crew and then even more punishment when the LSTers blocked his getaway. Still, he struggled mightily against the chains provided by the combined mystic energies of the PoultryGhost and Witchbolt to reach his last seven helper-seeds, having only been able to grab seven before the Zoo Crew attacked him. He managed to charge those seeds up enough to create another seven helpers just before he employed the last erg of strength he had to get free of the chains and teleport away.
“Gee, Miss Witchbolt, do you think it would be too much trouble to whip up a giant fan to blow that water-Martian into the ice-Martian so that their powers would trap each other?” asked Sniffles Thunder. “Huh? Do you…? Ah… ah… ah… achoo!”
“Not at all, Sniffles, deary. Hee-hee-hee-hee-hee!” Witchbolt cackled as she did just as her master suggested, which produced the desired results.
While What’s-Up-Doc and Duck L’Orange combined their mystic energy to create a reinforced field to make sure the two trapped monsters stayed trapped, the Bunny-Goddess used her demigoddess strength and speed to lift up two of the monsters and slam them into a third, and the Skirt Chaser used his super-skunk-spray to subdue those three monsters Bunny-Goddess disoriented. Moon-Howler used a few force-blasts and force-fields from his Acme Cosmic Control Rod to blast the plague-powered minion into the radioactive one in time for PoultryGhost and Witchbolt to securely trap them both. About the same time the last two monsters were defeated, however, Moon-Howler’s Acme Cosmic Control Rod conked out again, and he fell two-hundred feet, but thankfully, he was five-hundred feet up, and Witchbolt was able to save him.
“Those were some pretty good moves and some nice teamwork you animals pulled off,” Captain Carrot said to the team from another world, “but I don’t believe I caught your names.”
“Ehhh, my name’s What’s-Up-Doc, ‘n’ me ‘n’ me pals represent da Looney Society a’ Toomerica,” said What’s-Up-Doc. “Dis is Moon-Howla, Skoit-Chasa, Duck L’Orange, PoultryGhost, Sniffles Thunda ‘n’ Witchbolt, ‘n’ Bunny-Goddess, but hands off’a da last one — she’s mine.”
“Get this straight, you mystic masher,” Bunny-Goddess said, looking What’s-Up-Doc straight in the eye, “I am not yours. I don’t belong to anybody except myself! Do I make myself perfectly clear?!”
“Speaking of goddesses…” Skirt Chaser said as he spotted Alley-Kat-Abra. He dashed over to her at a speed that would leave a beam of light in the dust, placing the feline soceress in a firm embrace and repeatedly kissing her passionately, much to both her and the Captain’s very visible disgust.
Abra was able to free herself with a superb reverse leg sweep and Kat-Fu throw and then teleported herself hovering over the rest of the Zoo Crew just as the Bunny-Goddess removed her stern gaze from What’s-Up-Doc’s helmet-covered face.
“What a woman,” What’s-Up-Doc and Skirt Chaser both said at the same time, referring to Bunny-Goddess and Abra, respectively, before both also sighed.
“Ohhh, brother,” Duck L’Orange grumbled in disgust. “Could anybody possibly be any more lovesick than you two?”
“Yeah, duck. You ’round dat Molly Mallard,” What’s-Up-Doc said matter-of-factly.
“Hey, that’s different. Molly and I have been married twenty years and counting. At least I was lucky enough to have my affections returned,” Duck L’Orange said, defending himself with no small amount of smugness in knowing there was at least one area he had better luck than What’s-Up-Doc.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa!” said Captain Carrot. “Let’s get back to the business at hand — namely stopping that space villain.”
“Good point, errr… we neva caught yer names,” said What’s-Up-Doc.
“Oh, that. Well, I’m Captain Carrot, and this my amazing Zoo Crew — Rubberduck, Little Cheese, Fastback, Yankee Poodle, Pig-Iron, and Alley-Kat-Abra, who I might suggest you try a bit harder to keep your teammates away from, Doc.” The Captain gave the extra-dimensional sorcerer a warning look.
“They could be worse, Cap,” said Pig-Iron. “They could’a bored us with their secret origins, like every other hero always does when we meet ’em.”
“Did someone say ‘secret origins’?” said Duck L’Orange, raising his power ring to the air.
“Aw, no…” muttered Pig-Iron, wishing he’d kept his mouth shut. From the glares of his teammates, they were thinking the same thing.
Images began to form from the mystical power of Duck L’Orange’s ring, and a series of bite-sized secret origin tales began to play before their eyes.
“Ehhh… anyone got some popcorn?” asked What’s-Up-Doc.
***
In 1937, Daffy Duck was the sole survivor of a duck flock that was flying south for the winter as it was ambushed by excessively well-armed duck hunters. Figuring out that he survived thanks to the rays of a mysterious green orb that he happened to fall extremely close to, Daffy somehow instinctively knew how to fashion pieces of that orb into devices that would allow him to focus said orb’s power. Fashioning a ring and battery out of pieces of this orb, Daffy gained immeasurable energy powers that he used to defeat the duck hunters who nearly killed him and had killed the rest of his flock. Thus, Daffy Duck began his career as Duck L’Orange. He’d originally wanted to call himself the Mallard Lantern, but he decided to call himself Duck L’Orange as a joke aimed at the hunters, who had boasted that they were going to turn him into duck l’orange.
In 1938, while in amorous pursuit of a female science student, French college student Pepe Le Pew was nailed by a bottle of hard water-based chemicals. The chemicals proved strong enough to cause him to pass out, but he woke up with the ability to move and think at the speed of light. Furthermore, Le Pew’s natural skunk spray was greatly strengthened. Figuring that acts of heroism were a surefire way to impress the ladies and realizing that his newfound speed and super-powerful skunk spray could be very valuable against criminals, Pepe Le Pew began his crime-fighting career as the Skirt Chaser.
In 1939, Wile E. Coyote was pursuing “Beep Beep” Roadrunner with the help of his Acme Cosmic Control Rod. In the midst of this pursuit, they stumbled on to an undetermined clue that revealed the Roadrunner to be the reincarnation of a warrior bird-god, as well as a set of artificial wings made from a mystery metal that gave the Roadrunner the powers of flight and enhanced strength. A set of mysterious individuals wanting the rod and the wings for themselves came after the Coyote and the Roadrunner, but the duo fought them off rather handily, though Coyote’s rod did clunk out just after the battle, and he hit the ground rather hard. Realizing how surprisingly well he and the Roadrunner fared against their attackers, Wile E. Coyote decided to switch the object of his pursuit from the Roadrunner to criminals and soon had his first public case as the Moon-Howler. “Beep Beep” Roadrunner, similarly, began his crime-fighting career as the Bird of Prey soon after that incident.
Later that year, murdered would-be police-fowl Henery Hawk was resurrected as the near-omnipotent spirit of fowl justice known as the PoultryGhost.
In 1940, Bugs Bunny had his first public case as What’s-Up-Doc, deriving his name from one of his favorite catchphrases and the fact that, with his magic powers, you could never tell what would be up at any given time.
Sniffles the mouse discovered that he could summon and command a crimson lightning being of nearly unlimited magically power just by sneezing, giving him the name of Sniffles Thunder. This lightning-like being, known as the Witchbolt, aided her little master on numerous adventures.
Near the end of that year, along with three fellow super-toon heroes Miracle Mouse, Catnap, and Li’l Devil, Duck L’Orange, the Skirt Chaser, Bird of Prey, the PoultryGhost, What’s-Up-Doc, and Sniffles Thunder all joined forces for the first time to foil Hitler’s scheme to unleash powerful demons to assassinate the President of the United States. Soon after, these nine heroes were banded together as the Looney Society of Toomerica in order to foil a planned Nazi invasion of London. The fact that the heroes all worked together so successfully twice in such a short period convinced them to make the team permanent.
In 1941, the Moon-Howler joined the Looney Society along with fellow hero Doctor Sunrise.
Later that year, Princess Lola was sent to man’s world as the champion of an island inhabited by Amazon rabbits. Her rather considerable physical prowess, combined with her incredible good looks, inspired most male rabbits to refer to her as the Bunny-Goddess, though she was known as Lola Bunny in her secret identity.
In 1942, the Bunny-Goddess joined the Looney Society and became the object of What’s-Up-Doc’s often unwanted affections, albeit only because he usually insisted on calling her “doll,” which she has always hated.
Just a short time before the end of World War Two in 1945, the War-Ender made his way to Earth-L and, after an incredibly rough battle, the Looney Society defeated the Martian villain in spite of the fact that the War-Ender had the power of both What’s-Up-Doc and the PoultryGhost at his command. The Looney Society then banished the defeated Martian to dimensional limbo.
And in 1951, the Looney Society was pressured to cave in to the government’s demands to either reveal their dual identities or retire, but the team refused to do either, resolving to stay together when they figured both their heroics and their between-adventure theatrics would be needed more than ever.
***
“And that should bring you up to speed,” concluded Duck L’Orange. “Any questions?”
“Just one,” said Captain Carrot, who by this time was showing his annoyance by crossing his arms and frowning. “Are we just going to stand around here chatting all day, or are we going to find out where the War-Ender fled to?”