by T Campbell, Doc Quantum and Comickook
Earth-C:
It was raining in Los Antelopes that morning, hard, driving rain that turned hills to mudslides, ricocheted off city streets, and put directors on their cell phones to cancel shootings for the day.
Alley-Kat-Abra walked the streets, drawing her cape and hood around herself. Her powers could keep her warm in the stratosphere, even deep space. But today she was cold.
Something was wrong. Something had been wrong all day.
Overhead, the thunderboomer cracked and rumbled, setting Magic Wanda’s nerves on edge and even making Abra twitch. Abra was walking, not levitating, out of respect for the Queen of the Sky, who was spraying to mark her territory. The Queen was usually kind to Abra, rubbing gently against her and purring encouragement as she and Magic Wanda practiced their martial aerobatics. But today, even the Queen’s friends would know to steer clear of her.
The thunder screamed again. Odd. The Queen sounded… afraid.
Something was coming.
What?
***
The Z-Building:
The time off had been a good idea, Roger Rodney Rabbit reflected.
The Zoo Crew had been almost completely exhausted after their last adventure, which had been more like a war than their usual police actions. (*) And Rodney hadn’t exactly improved their mood when he’d passed on the victory feast to get back to his comic-book deadline. When he’d asked for their help inking panel borders, they’d been about ready to skin him with a rock.
[(*) Editor’s note: See The Oz-Wonderland War #1-3 (1986).]
Where had that image come from? They liked him. He knew that. And the next day, they had known that when he said, “I know we need to rest and recover a bit, guys. Take the next three days off from patrols and meetings,” he really meant, “Sorry I’m such a complete putz sometimes.”
Rodney flexed his own stiff shoulders and plopped back onto his carrot-shaped bed. He wasn’t hating this downtime, either. The deadline was behind him, the cosmic carrot garden was tended, and the week’s worth of groceries were in the refrigerator and the pantry. There was nothing to do but relax and let his mind drift… over to the next few plots of Just’a Lotta Animals, of course. Work was play to Rodney. He closed his eyes, letting his brain bunny-hop from scene to scene, traveling between worlds.
The Crash trying to find an enchanted chocolate in a land where everything was brown, with his underdeveloped sense of smell…
Batmouse and Elongator swinging their way through the city, the world-famous Elongator asking Bats for a special favor…
Wonder Wabbit tying up an ogre, her back muscles rippl–
Rodney cut that one off rather sharply, pushing himself to think about Felina Furr instead. He couldn’t be sure, but it seemed like she’d been avoiding him after the war, after they’d discovered their feelings ran a little deeper than the professional. They needed to talk, he decided, and soon.
Super-Squirrel and Firestork examining a portal to the magical land of Nod. The younger, less experienced Firestork was the one who had found it, and Super-Squirrel was over him, browbeating him, making sure this jumped-up little firedrake understood that just because he knew things that Super-Squirrel didn’t, he’d better not start getting any ideas about who was in charge here.
Rodney opened his eyes, frowning. What was with his imagination today? Sure, Super-Squirrel was a blowhard, he knew that, but he wasn’t some bullying, paranoid…
Can’t trust a single stinking one of them. They’d stew me alive if they–
Rodney leaped to his feet. He hadn’t thought those words. But he’d imagined himself thinking them. Was he having some kind of nervous breakdown? Was he a few dirt clods shy of a warren?
For a heavy moment, he had nothing to do but think about that. When Abra — Felina — interrupted his thoughts with a signal alert, it was a relief.
“Captain?”
“Y-y-yes, Felina?”
“Be on guard, Captain.”
“On guard against what?”
“I have… a feeling.”
“A strong feeling? Strong enough to call off our vacations for? Because I will. If you feel it is. I trust you, you know.” Was he babbling? He was babbling.
“Yes… no… yes. Call them in. If nothing happens in the next hour… I’ll apologize.”
“I appreciate that, Felina. Over and out.”
He started signaling the Crew, relieved to burrow back into his other work. Everything was simple there, and the only problems were criminals with colorful costumes and severe anger management problems. He was so relieved, in fact, that he almost didn’t notice that she still wasn’t calling him Rodney.
***
“It was awfully nice of you fellows to put me and my friends up for the last few nights,” said a tall, gawky-looking figure dressed in a purple jester’s outfit.
“Aw, shucks, Myron,” said Fastback, “’twas nothin’! An’ Byrd’s off shootin’ Duck to the Future right now, so he don’t really need his room. Plus, y’all’re the first humans ah ever met who seem to fit in here on Earth-C, ‘cept’n your height an’ all, o’ course.”
“I’m afraid the rest of the world doesn’t agree with you, Timmy-Joe,” replied Myron. “Why, just last night Athena and I stepped out to the local McDonwald’s — er, MacDarnold’s — for a bite to eat, and everyone just stared at us. Some of the older women seemed to be shocked to see Athena’s furless skin under those bunny ears, while others were trying to figure out just what the heck I was. I just kept on telling them I was a hairless primate from Walla Walla, Washington, but that only seemed to raise more questions.”
“‘Washington’? Ain’t that the place where they got a ton o’ washing ta do?” said Timmy-Joe Terrapin.
“For the last time, Timmy-Joe, no!” The jester-like figure paced on the floor as he thought about the time he had spent on this world so far. “I mean, I’ve always felt a bit out of place back home in Megalopolis, but I’ve never really felt like an oversized freak anywhere until now.”
“Walll, I hope we kin help you find your way home soon,” said the half-shell hero. “But meanwhiles, as my maw always says, ‘Our nest is yore nest.'”
The Inferior Five had been transported away from Earth-Twelve many months ago now to the world known as Earth-One back during some big, otherwise pointless event involving an unnamed alien and time travel, and they’d been trying to get back home ever since. (*) Unfortunately for them, as a side effect of the original, small-c crisis that had taken them away from Earth-Twelve in the first place, they had been bouncing back and forth between various fictional worlds like a misfired cue-ball ever since.
[(*) Editor’s note: See “There Shall Come a Gathering,” Showcase #100 (May, 1978).]
It wasn’t until they landed on Earth-C in Rodney Rabbit’s studio a few days ago that Alley-Kat-Abra could drain away the excess chronal energy that was at the root of the problem. (*) Abra had tried to send them back to the proper world, but she was forced to give up after experiencing nothing but failure with each attempt. Now Myron Victor, the leader of the Inferior Five known as Merryman, had to wait until a way could be found to bring himself and his teammates home.
[(*) Editor’s note: See “Oz Well That Ends Well,” The Oz-Wonderland War #3 (March, 1986).]
The strange thing, though, about their sudden appearance on Earth-C, was that they were only the latest in a string of cross-dimensional visitors that included Starro the Conqueror, Superman, Bow-Zar the Barkbarian, Just’a Lotta Animals, Gorilla Grodd, Changeling, and the citizens of Oz and Wonderland, not to mention all the time travel that went on because of the Time-Keeper. For some reason, Captain Carrot and his amazing Zoo Crew had come to realize, during their attempts to send the Inferior Five back home, the dimensional walls had been weakened in recent times. They had been fairly lucky in that their visitors were either allies or enemies that could be defeated with a bit of teamwork and sheer grit, but it was growing apparent that something much, much more dangerous could very well cross over at any time.
A beeping in Fastback’s shell suddenly alerted him to the fact that the Zoo Crew was being paged. “Aw, shucks! There goes mah vacation in Grizzlyland.”
“Can the Inferior Five be of any assistance?” suggested Merryman hopefully.
“Naw, you folks enjoy the hospitality of Earth-C while you’re here,” replied Fastback as he began to leave. “Maybe we kin show you around a bit better when I get back!” At that, he disappeared in a blue streak as he raced toward the meeting room.
Merryman’s own beeper went off suddenly, and he realized that Dumb Bunny and the others were impatiently calling him to join them in the undersized tour bus parked outside where they’d been waiting.
***
At the Menagerie Cage on Earth-Reverse-C, the air was thick with anticipation and the faint smell of cosmic carrots. The Nasty Menagerie, a motley crew of animal super-villains, were huddled in their clandestine meeting room, which was as eclectic as the team itself. Ultra-Rabbit, their leader, surveyed his team with a mix of pride and exasperation. They were an odd bunch, to say the least.
Katastrophe, the black-furred feline sorceress, was the first to break the silence. Her ominously glowing wand emitted a soft hum, betraying the power it held. “By the whiskers of Ra, why have we been summoned at this ungodly hour?” she demanded. Her attire — a gold-colored tunic, toga, and battle helmet in the style of Ancient Egypped, along with a blood-red cape and a matching belt, with a golden lariat attached to it — shimmered with ancient magic.
The short male mouse next to her, garbed in a dark blue, double-breasted, long-sleeved shirt, light-blue dress pants, and a pair of black boots, crossed his arms defiantly and wondered the same. “Yeah! I could be makin’ out with a couple of Playbird bunnies right now!”
Iron Pig, the Porcine Powerhouse with metallic purple skin like polished armor, adjusted his navy pinstripe suit and grunted. “If dis’s another drill, I swear I’m turnin’ in my cape.”
A snicker came from Slashback, the turtle with a penchant for sharp objects, garbed in a dark green bodysuit and black gloves with large, nasty silver blades attached to them, resembling the blades covering the turtle’s back shell. “Ya don’t wear no cape, ya ham!”
The room erupted into laughter, only to be silenced by a sharp look from Ultra-Rabbit. “Enough,” he said. “We have serious matters to discuss. We’ve…”
BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!
Ultra-Rabbit’s speech was cut short when the timer on his watch started to beep, warning him that he only had two hours left on his last cosmic carrot charge. He’d set up the timer long ago to give himself a margin of error so that he could maintain the conceit that he merely had a quirky carrot diet, instead of the truth. Although he would never admit it to the others, he was terrified he might permanently lose all of his extra powers if he ever allowed them to lapse. Trying to maintain a casual air, he plucked one of the carrots from his belt and began munching on it, having momentarily forgotten what he was about to say.
Swanky Poodle, the team’s bio-magnetic diva, rolled her eyes and cursed a blue streak. “Please, dahling, tell me why the BLEEP you had to BLEEP drag me away while I was in the BLEEP middle of training my male slaves? All I can BLEEP say is that it had BLEEP better be BLEEP top-priority important!” The white-furred, female poodle garbed in black dominatrix-style bra, panties, gloves, and boots, as well as a bright green ring on her right index finger, was miffed, as she often was.
Katastrophe’s green eyes narrowed as they glowed threateningly. “You shall not address almighty Ra in that disrespectful manner, Swanky Poodle,” she scolded.
“Oh, really? And just what the BLEEP are you going to do about it, Katastrophe?” Swanky Poodle replied smugly. “You know I know all of your BLEEP weaknesses and have enough BLEEP evidence on each and every BLEEP last one of you to put you all away for the rest of your BLEEP lives. In the event of my death, all that BLEEP knowledge and evidence will BLEEP appear in the very BLEEP hands you wouldn’t want getting ahold of that BLEEP information!”
Fantastidrake threw his hands up in defeat, already seeing where this meeting was going. “Can we please just hold one meeting without having to play referee between you two?”
“Why do you still insist on calling me Katastrophe?” the feline sorceress hissed, her tail flicking with irritation. “The name is–!”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa!” the Iron Pig interjected, his metallic sheen glinting under the fluorescent lights. “Ya know I like a good cat and dog fight as much as the next wise guy, but I think we oughtta get back to why da Boss Rabbit and da Bird-Brain called the meetin’!”
Growing to a height of twenty feet tall to help the Iron Pig break up the fight between Katastrophe and Swanky Poodle, Big Cheese chuckled as he pulled the two females apart from each other with his huge paws, leering at them as he did so. Thanks to his suit having been coated in special chemicals, his elastic attire had no trouble matching his size. “Iron Pig’s right!” the towering mouse said, his voice booming. “If you two are gonna tussle, let’s at least make it entertaining. A tub of Jell-Oh, anyone?”
The room filled with laughter, a brief respite from the gravity of their situation. Fantastidrake gestured grandly toward Ultra-Rabbit. “All right, now that the Iron Pig and Big Cheese have managed to keep our two lovely but lethal ladies from trying to kill each other yet again, let’s get back to the purpose of the meeting. The floor is yours, O fearless leader.”
Ultra-Rabbit, the epitome of lagomorphic leadership, stood solemnly, having just finished eating his cosmic carrot. “We called the rest of you here because we’ve discovered the existence of another universe with super-powered counterparts much like us, but with decidedly different goals,” he began, his voice steady. “This parallel universe has had a significant number of inter-dimensional visitors recently, much like our own, indicating they aren’t confined to that universe. It’s clear that our counterparts in this universe pose a potential threat to our preferred way of life, unless we end that threat first.”
Slashback, the turtle with blades sharper than his wit, broke the silence. “Akshally, if’n ya think ’bout it, these alternate universe visits’ve been kinda beneficial-like t’ us, haven’t they, Ultra-Rabbit?” he mused, his voice echoing slightly in the high-ceilinged chamber.
Ultra-Rabbit nodded thoughtfully. “Indeed, the powers we gained from those super-charged asteroid chunks have made us a force to be reckoned with,” he acknowledged, his eyes glinting with a leader’s foresight.
The room buzzed with nods and murmurs of agreement. Swanky Poodle, the team’s magnetic maven, chimed in, her voice dripping with sarcasm. “Oh, BLEEP absolutely. Stealing powers from the BLEEP Crime Critters? Best BLEEP workout I’ve had in ages!”
Big Cheese, the colossal mouse whose size was only matched by his ego, flexed his muscles. “And let’s not forget that rematch we had three days ago. Those Critters didn’t stand a chance, even with their new recruits.”
The Nasty Menagerie began to reminisce about the fur-raising showdown that had unfolded just three days prior. The Crime Critters had just bounced back into their world for a rematch after Ultra-Squirrel, Superbunny, Owlrat, Johnny Quickshell, and Power Ram managed to duplicate their old, long-lost powers.
But this time the Crime Critters had stacked the deck by bringing along with them five new wild cards: Chaos Canard, the sorcerer! Birdeye, the expert archer! Sundown Salamander, master of blindness! Rubber Worm, the elastic eel! And Martian Aardvark, the alien powerhouse!
Outnumbered ten to seven, even after Big Cheese joined the team shortly before, the Nasty Menagerie found themselves in for the fight of their lives with the Crime Critters. And if the team hadn’t retained the powers they’d stolen during their first epic battle, the Nasty Menagerie never could have prevailed. Yet prevail they did, though the team came closer to losing than they ever had before.
Iron Pig, the metallic powerhouse, chuckled as he recalled how the battle ultimately ended. “Yep. We was outnumbered ten-to-seven, and we still showed ’em who’s boss! Dat’s the Nasty Menagerie for ya.”
Ultra-Rabbit nodded solemnly. “Precisely my point, team. We’ve been lucky with these other-dimensional visitors so far, but we can’t rely on luck alone. We must act swiftly to neutralize the threat from our counterparts to ensure our luck doesn’t run out this time.”
Swanky Poodle, lounging on her chair, raised an eyebrow. “And what the BLEEP do we know about these other-universal BLEEP party crashers?”
Having regained her composure, Katastrophe replied, “They’re similar to us in power, but not in purpose. Their goals are… murky.”
The Iron Pig snorted. “Murky or not, we can’t let ’em get the jump on us. What’s da plan?”
Ultra-Rabbit paced, his ears twitching. “We need to assess their strengths, understand their weaknesses, and prepare for any eventuality.”
Fantastidrake nodded. “A preemptive strike?”
“Indeed,” Ultra-Rabbit mused. “But first, we gather intelligence.”
***
On Earth-C, within the walls of the illustrious Z-Building, the Zoo Crew had also convened, their expressions a mix of concern and determination. Captain Carrot stood at the forefront, his stance exuding the quiet regret of a leader bearing heavy news.
“Gang, I want to apologize for having to end our leisure time so abruptly, especially so soon after our last case,” Captain Carrot began, his voice tinged with sincerity. “But Abra’s foresight has detected a menace of such magnitude that it needs our immediate attention.”
“Awww, don’t sweat it, Cap,” said Little Cheese, the Diminutive Dynamo, waving a paw dismissively. “We all know you wouldn’t have called us all in unless it was an emergency.”
Fastback, the speedster turtle with a drawl as quick as his reflexes, chimed in. “’Sides, as nice as Myron ‘n’ his bunch are, the fact that anyone from Earth-Twelve is jus’ showin’ up outta the blue is a surefire sign that the dimensional barrier’s gittin’ weaker ‘n’ weaker. Abra’s not the only one who’s been gittin’ a bad feelin’ that sum’thin’ truly wicked is comin’ this here way.”
As the team nodded in solemn agreement, their thoughts were suddenly interrupted by a burst of light.
Before them materialized a figure they knew all too well — Doctor Hoot, clad in a suit of green, high-tech battle armor that seemed to hum with latent power. If there was one thing they could always count on, it was the inevitable return of the self-proclaimed greatest inventive genius of all time.
“Good day,” Doctor Hoot announced, his voice echoing with a mix of arrogance and formality. “I hope you will excuse this intrusion, but I am in the presence of the Zoo Crew, I presume.”
Rubberduck, the elastic avian with a penchant for snark, couldn’t help but retort. “Of course we’re the Zoo Crew, but you should know that by now, Doctor Hoot. After all, we put you away enough times. (*) In fact, we’ve seen enough of your mugshots to spot you in a crowd blindfolded!”
[(*) Editor’s note: Beginning in “The Secret of Easter Bunny Island,” Captain Carrot and His Amazing Zoo Crew #5 (July, 1982).]
Pig-Iron snorted with derision. “Yeah, and don’t think that shiny new playsuit o’ yours is gonna save your hide, neither, Hootie.” With those words, the Porcine Powerhouse began charging toward the armored owl.
With a casual air, Doctor Hoot effortlessly caught Pig-Iron’s ferocious punch, then hoisted him up into the air with a grace that belied his usual villainy.
“I must admit, I did anticipate a degree of skepticism on your part,” Doctor Hoot said, his voice calm and even, “but this level of hostility? Quite unexpected. Let me assure you, despite appearances to the contrary, I am not the Doctor Hoot you are acquainted with. I hail from a parallel universe, and in that realm, I am what you might call… one of the good guys.” With a gentle motion, he returned Pig-Iron to the ground, who landed with a soft thud.
The team exchanged bewildered glances until Alley-Kat-Abra, the mystical feline, spoke up. “I’ve scanned his mind. This Doctor Hoot speaks the truth. He is from another universe, one that we might call Earth-Reverse-C, and he’s not our enemy,” she declared, her voice cutting through the uncertainty. “He has come here to enlist our aid against our own evil counterparts there.”
Doctor Hoot, now identified as a noble doppelgänger of their arch-enemy from another universe, nodded in agreement. “Indeed, I come bearing nothing but the truth. I propose an alliance, for we face a common adversary. Be warned, however, that the Nasty Menagerie, a malevolent mirror of your esteemed Zoo Crew, has become aware of your existence and will stop at nothing to stop you at all costs, before you can stop them.”