by Comickook and T Campbell
In the heart of Mew Orleans, where the jazz was smoky and the gumbo was hotter than a rhino’s backside, there was a duck. Oh, but she wasn’t just any ordinary duck — she was a tall, stunning beauty only twenty-three years of age, with yellow feathers as bright as a summer sunrise and eyes as mesmerizing as the deep blue-green sea. And her name? Well, that was a mystery only she knew.
Wearing a navy blue dress that hugged her curves just right, and sporting a necklace that sparkled like the stars on a clear night, she strutted her way toward a swanky nightclub. But before she could sashay through those golden doors, two behemoth rhinos, dressed in slick black suits, stood in her way like a pair of bouncers guarding a secret.
“’Scuse me, ma’am,” the first rhino rumbled in his deep voice, “but we’ll need ta know yer name ta check if ya have a reservation before we can let ya in. Dis here’s a restricted joint.”
Now, our duck wasn’t one to back down from a challenge. With a sly smile playing on her beak, she coolly retorted, “Darlin’, don’t you worry your wrinkly foreheads. Ah don’t need no reservation to make an entrance. Ah’m like a lightnin’ bolt in a bottle — you cain’t hold me back.”
But the second rhino, his eyes filled with a not-so-subtle hint of desire, chimed in, “Well, ma’am, since it could take a while fer us ta check dat fancy reservation o’ yours, how ’bout I keep you company? Two rhinos fer da price o’ one, if ya know what I mean.”
Our gorgeous duck snorted, a spray of water droplets glimmering in the neon lights. She glanced at the rhinos with a mixture of annoyance and mischief, and just like that, she unleashed her power. The rhinos fell under her spell, frozen in place like statues, giving her the perfect opportunity to slip past them and into the pulsing heart of the club.
Once inside, the duck opened her beak and belted out a tune that had every male animal in the joint swooning faster than a falling feather. The music flowed through her like a current, causing the cash register and vault to burst wide open, as if they were charmed by her enchanting melody.
But hold on, it wasn’t just the boys who were under her spell. When a few feisty females tried to put an end to the charade, our ducky dame merely shot them a nonchalant glance, and with a flick of her mind, they were rooted to the spot, while she floated the stolen loot her way.
As she gracefully made her exit, leaving the club in an uproar, the duck spoke with a seductive Southern drawl that had jaws dropping and hearts thumping. “By the time y’all find yourselves free from mah powers, which, darlings, won’t be for another twenty minutes or so, ah’ll be miles away, enjoying a clean getaway. Ah reckon that’s a mighty fine debut for the Siren Belle!”
And with a wink that could rival the crescent moon, our audacious avian took off into the night, leaving behind a city both amused and spellbound.
***
The time that the Siren Belle left was 9:35 PM.
At 9:55 PM, the first call came in to the police-dog department.
At 10:05 PM, the police-dog department called the super-animal emergency hotline, 1-800-SQUAWKS.
At 11:00 PM (or 9:00 PM, Califurnia time) Rova Barkitt (a trained interviewer) and Rodney Rabbit (the super-villain expert-in-residence) finished their phone interviews with witnesses and compared notes.
At 9:30 PM Califurnia time, the Zoo Crew convened in the Z-Building’s basement around the carrot-stump-shaped Ground Table. The fern in the middle of the table were dying fast, which is what you’d expect when your architect puts plants in the basement. The Z-Building’s design was actually full of headaches like that, from the diagonal elevator to the unstable plumbing, and Rodney had considered requesting a redesign. But the carrot motif was just so… flattering.
“Thank you all for coming so quickly,” said Captain Carrot, brisk and businesslike.
Pig-Iron looked at him with a mixture of pity and annoyance. He tried to hold in his reply as long as he could, but everyone else was just sittin’ there, and, flamin’ filings, somebody had to say it:
“Why the heck wouldn’t we come so quickly? We all live here! How the frig would we get here slowly?”
“Tarnation!” said Timmy-Joe Terrapin, slapping his forehead. “Ah left th’ feed in th’ oven!” And the Reptilian Rocket called Fastback ran out of the room, as usual creating a massive tailwind that blew all the papers off the table and further shortened the life expectancy of the fern.
“Wow,” said Rova, alias Yankee Poodle. “Even when he’s on time, he’s late.”
Rodney glanced at Pig-Iron. “Asked and answered. Moving on to more important matters — the Siren Belle. Looks like she’s got telekinetics — somewhere between Abra’s and Rova’s — and some mind-control ability. That’s something we’ve never faced before, and I want to be careful. The last thing we need is to turn our careers into a bad remake of The Invasion of the Body Poachers.”
Rova nodded, solemnly. “Two of them were enough.”
Looking defensive, Byrd Rentals opened his beak as if to speak, then shut it again. Rubberduck decided to let this criticism pass by.
“Fortunately,” Rodney went on, “her powers seem to have limitations. She entranced a couple of male rhinoceroses at close range, but to entrance large numbers of people, she had to sing, like Kitteny Spears in that Pupsi commercial. And even then, her powers only seem to affect males — or, possibly, lesbians.”
“Only sings to males, hm?” said Byrd lightly. “She must be lonely.”
Alley-Kat-Abra, Rova, and Pig-Iron all rolled their eyes at him. But Byrd looked perfectly innocent. Of course, being an actor, he had practiced looking perfectly innocent for hours.
“That means,” Rodney went on before the meeting got away from him again, “that the best thing we can do is give this one to you two, Abra and Rova. You’ll be immune to the worst of her powers.”
“Unless there’s something you’re not telling us, dahling,” added Rova, smiling saccharine at Abra.
Alley-Kat-Abra’s eye briefly glinted, and a fang briefly bared itself. Consciously, she turned to the Captain. “Mew Orleans is my hometown, Captain. Two of those females who defended themselves were my old students. You couldn’t keep me away.”
Rodney smiled, actually looking relaxed for a moment. “Good deal. If it gets to be too much for you, signal us, and we’ll get Timmy-Joe to rescue you before she can blink.”
The moment was lost. Felina Furr could see it happening to him, word by word. He was writing, not talking — saying the things he imagined a super-hero leader should say.
“But that’s a last resort. For the most part, you guys are going to have to put the cat-and-dog fights behind you and depend on each other.”
It was a technique that had kept them alive, so she didn’t have too much of a right to complain, but who was he really? Did she still know? Did he?
“Can you do that?” Rodney asked, his face serious.
She blinked. “Do what?”
“Work together,” he said. “The two of you, as a team.”
“Oh, sure!” said Rova, smiling sweetly. “Felinie and I just need to get to know each other better. I always felt we could be like sisters!”
“Or at least stepsisters,” added Abra. She tried to look innocent as she said it, like Byrd. But she failed.
“Ah’m back!” shouted Timmy-Joe, blowing into the room and uprooting the fern once and for all. It landed on the side of the table in a manner that looked like suicide. Fastback sat and looked around. “Whut’d ah miss?”
“Well, Cap just assigned this Siren Belle case to Abra and Rova,” Byrd explained, “because they’re female and thus immune to her mind-control. But exactly what would be the matter with me coming along, if I wore special lenses and earplugs to protect myself from her mind-control, huh?”
Rodney sighed. It was clear that Byrd really wanted to go on this mission.
“Are you serious, Byrd?” Rova couldn’t help but be brutally honest. “We’ve all seen her picture. We all know why you want to come along. Even with earplugs and special lenses, we couldn’t trust you around her.”
Felina nodded, surprised that she and Rova actually agreed completely on something for once — other than the fact that they could barely stand each other without the others present.
“I’m afraid Rova’s right, Byrd,” Rodney replied. “Besides, the special anti-mind-control lens and earplugs haven’t yet been perfected enough for me to feel comfortable letting one of us accompany Abra and Rova on this case.”
“Well, okay, Cap,” Byrd sighed, though he had his fingers crossed behind his back. There was no way he was going to miss out on this case, even if he had to sneak off and commandeer the Zoo Cruiser to get to Mew Orleans himself.
“Well, we’d better first try to figure out where the Siren Belle is most likely to strike next,” Rova said. “So we can be waiting for her when she does strike next.”
“But what if she’s clever enough to expect us to do just that and then strike somewhere else just to spite us?” Felina countered. “The most efficient thing to do is create special alarm devices, install one in every night club in Mew Orleans under the cover of an invisibility spell, and then wait her out. When she strikes again, Magic Wanda will alert us, and I’ll teleport us to the scene of the crime before our quarry has a chance to get away.”
“Well, I suppose that’s a good plan, Felinie,” Rova commented, “but I just got a stunning new dress, and I was just itching for a good excuse to use it. Swinging by a Mew Orleans night club just seems to qualify.”
Felina thought to herself, That and the fact you would also have a good excuse to flirt with as many guys as possible. She refrained from saying it out loud, though. You’re as bad around guys as Byrd is around females.
Instead, Felina simply stated, “Look, let’s just agree to a compromise — you wait for her at whatever nightclub you think the Siren Belle will be likely to strike at next, and I’ll install the silent magic alarms. That way, we can use both of our plans. It’ll be better for all concerned if we just get this case over with as quickly as possible.”
“Agreed,” Rova said as she and Felina shook paws on the matter.