Alley-Kat-Abra
Times Past
Who Least Expects It
by Andrew Troy Keller and Doc Quantum
When a familiar stranger arrives, Alley-Kat-Abra learns that, even on a world known as Earth-C, the age-old rule still applies: love comes to she who least expects it. Guest starring a certain occult detective from Loondon!
Editor’s note: This story takes place between Captain Carrot and His Amazing Zoo Crew #13 and #14, and long before Alley-Kat-Abra and Captain Carrot began dating.
***
In one of the rooms of the Z-Building, the headquarters of the Zoo Crew, Alley-Kat-Abra was feeling down, her gaze fixed on the outside world. Paws crossed, Felina Furr couldn’t help but wonder if she would ever find her perfect match.
Just then, Yankee Poodle, usually her sparring partner, approached her with genuine concern in her eyes. “Hey there, Felina, dahling,” Yankee Poodle said, her voice surprisingly gentle. The two usually fought like cats and dogs, yet on this day Alley-Kat-Abra just hadn’t been taking the bait. That was when Rova Barkitt knew something was wrong. “You’ve been quiet all day. Are you okay?”
With sad eyes, Felina Furr turned toward Rova Barkitt, her fellow Zoo Crew member, and took a deep breath before answering. “I don’t think so, Rova. I mean, Valentine’s Day is tomorrow, and I’m still unable to find the right guy.”
Rova placed a comforting hand on Felina’s shoulder. “Oh, cheer up, dahling. There’s an old saying, you know? There are plenty of catfish in the sea.”
***
Visiting her old apartment in Mew Orleans that night after a hectic day of public appearances with the Zoo Crew back in Califurnia, Felina started to ponder Rova’s words. Maybe she shouldn’t give up hope just yet.
As she prepared for a relaxing shower, she let her mind wander into thoughts of her dream guy. She conjured images of his fur color, the length of his whiskers, even dialed in the accent and the way he would talk to her. Little did Felina know, fate had a funny way of intervening, as a strange nimbus of energy began to form near her Magic Wanda, slowly taking shape as it hovered in midair.
As the water cascaded down her fur, Felina continued to visualize her ideal mate, daydreaming about how he would sweep her off her feet. She imagined him listening intently to everything she said and making her feel like the queen she truly was. Unbeknownst to her, the energy form from her Magic Wanda began to take shape and solidify.
Just then, her answering machine beeped, snapping her out of her reverie, and a message from Rova played. “Felina, dahling, this is Rova. I just wanted to call and say that you shouldn’t give up. After all, life’s just full of surprises.”
Feeling rejuvenated, Felina stepped out of the shower, wrapped herself in a fluffy robe, and made her way out of the bathroom, her mind still filled with thoughts of her mysterious ideal mate. However, as she walked into the candlelit living room, she sensed an eerie presence in the space.
“Who’s there?” she called out cautiously, reaching for her trusty Magic Wanda, which she kept in her tabbachi.
Before she could lay her paws on it, a strangely familiar voice with a Brutish accent replied, “Please, luv. I mean you no harm. Just please… turn around.”
Although she would normally have reacted in a very different way to an intruder, something about this voice made her feel safe. As she slowly turned around, she looked and saw the figure of a male cat standing before her — exactly the same as the ideal mate she had pictured. He was tall and slim, with blond fur and blue eyes, and he wore a tan trenchcoat.
“I’m… sorry,” said a confused Felina, her heart pounding. “…but I have no idea who you are.” She gulped, trying to shake off her nerves. The fact was that she had already guessed exactly who he was, and had a good idea of how he had come to be.
“Call me John,” said the stranger, his tone reassuring. He took a step closer, his eyes filled with warmth. “And I’m here for you, my darling Felina.”
Felina couldn’t help but smile, despite her thoughts racing. Rova’s prediction had suddenly come true — her ideal mate had come to her. Only, he was just a projection from her own thoughts. He was, in effect, a projection of herself. She only felt guilty for a moment before deciding to take advantage of the situation and let herself go. After all, it wasn’t every day that you met the one.
“So, John…” Felina purred, her voice barely a whisper. She slowly wrapped her arms around him, her eyes locked with his. “…what am I thinking of doing right now?”
The answer to that question came soon enough, for John placed a gentle hand on the back of her head and kissed her, delicately at first, and then with increasing intensity.
Felina and John gazed at each other between kisses, studying each other’s faces for a few minutes, until she came to a decision. John was probably just a fantasy, but he felt real enough to her. Deciding to throw caution to the wind, she took John’s hand and blew out the candle.
***
The next morning, Felina woke up with a smile on her face as she rubbed the sleep out of her eyes. The two had been up for hours, just talking, laughing, playing board games, and occasionally stealing kisses, but mostly just enjoying the wholesome aspects of each other’s company.
But when she got up and looked around the apartment, she saw that she was now the only one there. She felt a pang of loneliness, a mix of sadness and hope.
She found a note left on the pillow on the sofa in the living room, where John had gone to catch some sleep after the long night. It read:
My darling Felina,
When I first laid eyes on you, I saw you as a feline of exquisite beauty. Perhaps someday, you will find someone who’ll be able to be with you for more than just one special evening. Until then, we’ll always have last night. Happy Valentine’s Day, luv.
–John Constantwine
Having read the note, Felina placed it on her chest, feeling a mix of bittersweet emotions. She laid back down, closed her eyes, and let out a deep sigh. The world seemed open to so many new possibilities now. And though she was sure she’d never see John again, she now knew that she would find true love, and that it was closer than she thought.
Hmmm… she thought. I wonder if I should reconsider Rodney, if he’s not already interested in someone else. Who says team romances can’t work out?
***
As Rova arrived at the Z-Building for their team meeting, she couldn’t help but notice the mischievous smile adorning Felina’s face. Intrigued, she couldn’t resist inquiring, “Pray tell, Felina, darling, it seems like you had quite the delightful evening. Care to enlighten me?”
Positioning herself in front of Rova, Felina placed a gentle hand on her shoulder and beamed at her. “No comment, Rova, dahling. No comment.”
With those enigmatic words, Felina continued her stride toward the meeting room, leaving a bewildered Rova standing alone in the hallway. As she pondered the hidden meaning of Felina’s response, Rova couldn’t help but wonder what secrets her teammate held.
***
Meanwhile, on the parallel world known as Earth-C-Minus, a figure stirred from a restful slumber in his cozy flat located in the Beast End of Loondon. Brushing his shaggy blond fur, he mused to himself, “Well, that was a right nice dream.” Gazing at a pack of Silk Cats on his nightstand, he pulled one out, lit it, and settled back in bed, relishing the fantasy feline that occupied his thoughts. Convinced that she was merely a figment of his imagination, a manifestation of his lost love, he muttered, “Naw, she couldn’t possibly be real… could she?”
John Constantwine, his fingers drifting to a drawer, retrieved a photograph of himself and his former flame, Zap-Panda Za-Beara, from their younger days. Regret washed over him as he contemplated the circumstances surrounding their parting. Yet, in his foolish younger years, he believed their separation was necessary for their personal growth. She had achieved phenomenal success as a member of Just’a Lotta Animals, just as he had become instrumental in her journey. Last night, as he drifted off to sleep, his mind filled with thoughts of Zap-Panda, contemplating what could have been. Little did he know that a new face would grace his dreams — one who bore a striking resemblance to his lost love. Meeting Felina in his slumber somehow lessened the pain of his heartache, if only by a fraction.
“Now to get back to my bloody homework,” John grumbled, reaching for a scrapbook filled with newspaper clippings regarding a peculiar muck monster from Looeysiana. “I have a lot to teach that Swamp Meat chap about himself when we finally meet, so preparation is crucial. Curiously enough, I feel compelled to swing by Mew Orleans on my journey to Huma. Perhaps I simply yearn for some authentic Cagin’ cuisine. Couldn’t possibly be any other reason…”
And with that, John Constantwine continued his studies, unaware of the strange saga that still awaited him as a Heckgrazer.
The End