Tales of the Bizarro World: The Bizarro-Bat-Mite

Tales of the Bizarro World: The Five Earths Project

Tales of the Bizarro World

The Bizarro-Bat-Mite

by Blackwolf247

Bizarro No. 2’s latest lamebrain idea is to create a Bizarro version of Bat-Mite to help Bizarro-Batman. Hilarity ensues.


“You’re watching Bat-Mite here on Cartooniverse! Brought to you by Shellogg’s Corn Puffs!”

Bizarro No. 2 turned to his wife, Bizarro-Lois Lane No. 2, and said, “Me am so stupid! Me just had horrible idea! Me make Bizarro-Bat-Mite to help Bizarro-Batman fight crime and justice on Bizarro World!”

Bizarro-Lois No. 2 laughed and clapped delightedly. “That am best rotten idea since time you decided to create Bizarro-Batman!”

Rushing at slowest speed possible, Bizarro No. 2 could hardly stand himself, so happy was he at his idea.

He turned on the TV in his lab, and when a picture of Bat-Mite came on from the transmission pirated from Earth satellites, he aimed his Bizarro-ray at the image.

Within moments, he had before him a small, tubby Bizarro in an ill-fitting Batman outfit.

“Me am Bizarro-Bat-Mite! Me am here to help Bizarro-Batman fight for injustice!”

Bizarro No. 2 clapped his hands. “This am what me wanted!”

Bizarro-Bat-Mite looked at his creator, stroked his jaw, and said, “You am Bizarro-Batman’s best pal, so me am arresting you!”

With a snap of his fingers, Bizarro-Bat-Mite had imprisoned the first of the second-generation Bizarros in a steel cage. (*)

[(*) Editor’s note: See Ambush Bug: Let the Buggy Bizarro, Chapter 2: All This and Bizarro Stew.]

“Oh, no! Me am able to easily bend steel in my bare hands! Me am trapped!”

Bizarro-Bat-Mite laughed gleefully. “Now me find Bizarro-Batgirl!” He vanished into a cloud of smoke.

Moments later, he returned with an unhappy look on his face. “There am no Bizarro-Batgirl!”

He examined the Bizarro-making device, and within moments had a picture of Batgirl from a documentary on the TV screen, aimed the device at it, and danced happily when a Bizarro-Batgirl appeared.

“Me am Bizarro-Batgirl, who am here because me hate you!” With that, the red-haired Bizarro-Batgirl grabbed the smaller being and laid a heavy-duty smooch on him.

Bizarro No. 2 cried, “Me love sad endings!”

The End

Return to Earth-1 titles. Return to Superman Family stories.